buhay bonito

walang katapusan

2010-04-09T00:05:00.000-07:00

noong una tayong nagkatagpo.. masaya.. inuman..
masaya ka, dahil natagpuan mo ako..
noong inuman, may binigay ka sakin, hanggang ngayo'y nandito pa rin..
nagulat ako, dahil hindi ko akalain na makakatagpo rin ako ng katulad mo
cool, astig, at higit sa lahat, game kahit saang bagay.

pauwi na, nasa bus tayo kasama ng kaibigan mo
magkahawak tayo ng kamay, walang pakialam sa mga tao
naging tayo rin noon, napagpasyahan natin
masayang masaya tayo.. parang wala nang katapusan ang mundo
magkausap pa rin hanggang sa paguwi, tawag at text doon at dito

sumunod na mga araw, nagkita tayo sa Galleria. date.
kumanta sa videoke..
natandaan ko noon, nakakanta ako nang hindi nahihiya.
pakiramdam ko kaya ko na lahat ng bagay sa mundo pag kasama ka.
pakiramdam ko'y ang lakas lakas ko, walang kahinaan pag kapiling ka

naulit ang mga panahong ganito tayo.. unang gabi nating hindi makakalimutan
noon ay minahal kita ng tunay, ng buong katapatan
hindi ko maipaliwanag, ngunit nahulog ako sa iyong ka-astigan
akala mo'y matutunaw sa simpleng tinginan
puso'y tumatalon sa aking kasiyahan

pansamantala kang umalis, umuwi sa probinsya ng isang buwan.
naalala ko noon, nasa SM, umiyak ka sa harap ng maraming tao
sabi mo'y panandalian lamang, wala akong magagawa sabi ko
kinailangang umuwi, kahit kalungkutan ang dala nito
ipinaubaya ko na sa Diyos ang pagmamahal ko.

Pangako mo'y tinupad, ikaw ay bumalik kasabay ng aking kaarawan
para sa akin, yaon ang pinakamagandang regalong natanggap
nag-abala ka, nagpagawa ng singsing, para sa ating dalawa
puso ko'y muling lumambot at dahil dito'y mas minahal kita
pakiramdam ko, alapaap yata'y naabot na

pinagpasyahan nating sa iisang bubong, tayo'y magsasama
kasayaha'y walang patid, walang pagdududa
ngunit ilang araw pa lamang ang nakakalipas, isang kahibangan
paalam mo'y iinom lamang, ngunit iba pala ang kahihinatnan
nakilala mo sa networking site, tinagpo mo at kayo'y nagkadaupan

aking natuklasan, at dahil dito mundo ko'y gumuho
pilit na tinatanong sa Diyos kung bakit nangyari ito
gayong inalay ko ang buong puso ko
hindi pa rin pala sapat ito para sa iyo
ako'y nasaktan, at pakiramdam ko'y nagunaw ang aking mundo

ngunit dahil mahal kita.. pinatawad, pinilit ibalik ang dati
kung ito ang kabayaran ng dating kasalanan, tinanggap ko ito
ngunit sabi nga nila, ang salamin pag nagkalamat na
kahit buuin ito, may lamat pa ring makikita
mula noon, palagiang nagiisip, kung iyon ba'y muli mong magagawa

ilang buwan ang nakalipas, ngayon, tayo'y magkasama pa rin
hindi na matatawaran ang ating pinagdaanan
pagdududa'y, naroon pa rin, ngunit dahil mahal ka
palaging tinatanggap, palaging nagpapakumbaba
dahil inamin mo ang iyong pagkakamali, at nangakong hindi na mauulit pa

Dati, hindi ka mapakali kapag hindi ako nagpaparamdam
kaya kahit may ginagawa, pilit na ipinagpapaalam
bawat sandali'y kailangang malaman
ngunit makalipas ang ilang buwan, parang wala nang pakialam
ang dating ikaw ay parang nagbago, pilit tinatanong, pilit inaalam

ganito ba talaga ang puso? ang pagmamahal? minsan ay nakakasawa?
sa aking puso'y naman hindi ko naramdaman na ako'y nag-iba
ngunit sa palagay mo ako'y naging maramot, mapagduda
masisisi mo ba ako sa nangyari sa ating dalawa
ngayon na tayo'y magkasama, ikaw ay parang nagsasawa?

ikaw ay umuwi, isang buwang pagtitiis nanaman
nagtatanong, nagiisip, kailan babalik ang aking mahal
nagtatanong kung babalik pa ba ang dating pagtitinginang
sabi mo'y walang problema, hindi kailangang pag-isipan
kailangang tanggapin ito, kailangang paniwalaan.

ikaw ay minamahal ko ng buong puso at kaluluwa
alam ko namang mahal mo rin ako, ngunit parang may nag-iba
dati, mas mahal mo ako, ngayon, mas mahal na kita
palaging may kulang, hindi magkatagpo sa gitna
panalangin sa Diyos, sana'y matupad pa

alam kong ito'y pansamantala lamang.. tayo'y magkakahiwalay din
ngunit habang tayong dalawa, sana'y ilaaan sa isa't isa
buong pagmamahal na walang pagdududa
ito lamang ang hinihiling sayo aking mahal
pagka't ang mawala ka'y hindi ko makakaya

basta ito ang aking alam, mahal kita! ito ang aking sigaw
saksi ang buong mundong palaging nanunuri at mapang-husga
walang nang makakapagpabago sa aking nararamdaman
buong buhay ay inaalay sayo, sana'y iyong malaman
mamahalin kita, ng walang katapusan

the love of my life

2009-01-18T17:39:00.000-08:00

I still remember you watching me
over the window on the 5th floor of MTDC building
I was staring at you back then
I really never knew what to feel, having butterflies on my stomach, chills and sparks
running down my spine

that's the day i told you i liked you
and i wanted you to be mine, my girlfriend
you asked more time, getting-to-know each-other phase
i agreed, patiently waiting for you
you had feelings too, as i was told by your friends
and that made my college life worth it, or so i thought.

there you were, the love of my life, drunk after a party
the whole crowd watching, telling everybody that you're broken
your previous lover, who left you into pieces had another love
without warning, i was damaged, never to be repaired again
there you were, the love of my life, the woman of my dreams..
left me shattered, my soul broken

years passed, i thought i got over it
we met after 3 years, and rekindled my spirit
i was not ready yet, i told myself
i have to prove myself to her, to others, to everybody
i never got far, while she, she went ahead, she conquered everything.
while i, waited for her to return, waited for the opportunity.

she is now engaged. to an american christian.
she told me she's happy and blessed. what could i do.
she left me broken again, for the nth time this time..
wishing me to be happy, to do everything to find that special someone.
there goes the love of my life, the woman of my dreams..
i am still here, mourning. heartbroken forever.

bitin sa'yo

2008-10-04T04:14:00.000-07:00

ano ba tong nararamdaman ko
sa twing kausap ka, ako'y nalilito
hindi makapagisip ng matino
isip at puso'y gulong gulo

d nman masisi kahit sino
sa pag-iisip ng kung anu-ano
pero bakit laging bitin ako
bitin na bitin palagi sayo

ako'y gulong gulo
tulungan mo naman ako

siguro'y mahal n nga kita
naiisip ka sa twina
bakit ganito ang nadarama
bitin palagi pag kasama ka
ngunit mas bitin pag hndi na

hndi nman sa nababaliw ako
ngunit di ko ito maitatago
nangingiti pag anjan ka na
naeexcite pag kausap ka

ako'y litong lito
pansinin mo naman ako

siguro'y mahal n nga kita
naiisip ka sa twina
bakit ganito ang nadarama
bitin palagi pag kasama ka
ngunit mas bitin pag hndi na

nabibitin kahit kasama na
ngunit mas bitin pag wala ka

clan outing

2008-04-26T02:51:00.000-07:00

It's always a blast when you spend time with your loved ones back in the province. Especially during summer. Ours happened on April 13, 2008, at the El Grande Hotel and Resort in Lipa City Batangas, one of the only few resorts in the city.

I happen to have a shift on saturday, April 12. However, due to my constant rantings about it, they agreed to have it the next day. I was excited to show my newly acquired swimming skills. :D

I woke up after a 3 hour sleep, to head to the Bus station, in Buendia. After an almost 2 hour bus ride, i finally made it home, full of people, readying themselves for the upcoming clan reunion.

We unfortunately do not have a ride to use to go to the resort, but thankfully, my cousin had a Canter truck, so me and all my male cousins just crowded at the back of it.

A cousin who is working in London also came, and thankfully he had a mini van so the problem of transporting the bulk of my relatives are solved.

FOOD!

I have to mention my mother for preparing a very delicious feast for us. Green Mango with bagoong, tomatoes and onions, inihaw na bangus, chicken pork adobo, fettuccine, and other stuff that i was not able to touch because of my excitement for pool water. But what i liked the most was the green mango with bagoong, for i was craving for it for like 4 months.

In El Grande, there are four pools, one with the octopus slides above, two 6 foot pools, and a children's pool. There is a hotel and cottages available for use. The overall site was awesome, windy conditions even if the temperature was in mid-30's celsius.

ITO ANG BUHAY!

Showing off my swimming skills was one of the reasons why i was so excited about this outing. I spent some bucks just to learn it during the summer of 2005 and 2006, and if i have not gotten the chance to show it to my folks, then i spent the lessons for nothing. I also taught my other cousins the proper way to swim, from basics to advanced. What a day.

NEXT YEAR

We are planning to do this clan reunion every year, with more relatives, more fun and more food. I wish we could do it again this summer, for this experience is worth a repeat.

by the pod on the fourth

2008-04-25T02:53:00.000-07:00

i saw you coming
and i can't help but stare
you came and asked but all i answered was ok
until when can i keep this
until when can i ask
until when will i hold back

i have to tell you
how much i care
how much i want to be with you
how much my heart screams for you
but all i can do now is stare
gaze into oblivion while thinking about you

when can i look into those eyes
all i can look at is a picture in my thoughts
of what those eyes might look like
of how those eyes express
but shaded by the night
i can only guess

i'll just be waiting for the right time
the right moment
the right words
until then, i'll continue on staring at you
thinking
will we ever be?

Liwanag

2008-02-02T04:05:00.000-08:00

minsan, isang umaga akong nakatunganga
nakapangalumbaba at napapabuntung-hiningang iniisip ang kasasapitan ng buhay
mga bagay bagay na kailanman ay hindi maiwawaksing parang guni guning paulit ulit na binabagabag ang aking utak

hanggang kailan?
hanggang saan?
Hindi alam ang patutunguhan at hindi maisip kung saan ang pinanggalingan
sikat ng araw ay nasisilayan subalit puno ng maiitim na ulap ang natatanaw

saan ako makakakita ng liwanag?
sinong gigising sa aking natutulog na buhay?
anong kinabukasan ang iaalay ng tadhana sa akin?
mga tanong na walang kasagutan, mga sagot na walang kahihinatnan.

I Am Alive

2008-01-26T17:55:00.000-08:00

I'd just like to welcome myself back on this blog world. Much has happened since i posted. It's been like.. almost 3 years.

I'd like to thank blogger for keeping my blog, and to my sanity for keeping my self and my mind intact for the past 2 and a half-years since i posted.

welcome back bonito!

fuck you.

2005-10-20T05:01:00.000-07:00

fuck my life.. and fuck you too
how stupid of me to fall for you
so i'm gonna have to play your game now
believe in karma, for you will somehow
experience the pain, the suffering
only death can avenge this pain i'm feeling
be afraid because this is not a warning..

i miss you - incubus

2005-09-15T04:30:00.000-07:00

To see you when I wake up

Is a gift I didn't think could be real.

To know that you feel the same as I do

Is a three-fold, Utopian dream.

You do something to me that I can't explain.

So would I be out of line if I said,

"I miss you"?

I see your picture,

I smell your skin on

the empty pillow next to mine.

You have only been gone ten days,

But already I'm wasting away.

I know I'll see you again

Whether far or soon.

But I need you to know that I care,

And I miss you.

untitled

2005-09-13T05:43:00.000-07:00

and now that you're gone..
i'm now picking up the pieces.
it's so hard to accept what happened
but it will come eventually.
now i'm going to stand up
and continue on..
i still hope that one day
you'll come back and face me
and say what's on your mind.

i'm still here.. in the meantime.. godbless..

all of u

2005-07-28T19:26:00.000-07:00

i can't give solutions 2 ol of ur life's problems.. doubts.. or fears..
but i can listen 2u and together we will search 4 answers..

i can't change ur past wd ol its heartaches and pain..
nor d future wd its untold stories..
but i can be der now when u need me 2 care..

i can't keep ur feet from stumbling..
i can only offer my hand dat u may grasp and not fall..

ur joys.. triumphs.. successes.. and happiness's are not mine..
yet i can share in ur laughter..

ur decisions in life are not mine 2 make.. nor to judge..
i can only support u.. encourage u.. and help u when u ask..

i can't prevent u from falling away from friendship..
from ur values.. from me.. i can only pray 4u.. talk 2u and wait 4u..

i can't give u boundaries.. which i have determined 4u..
but i can give u d room 2 change.. room 2 grow.. room 2b urself..

i can't keep ur heart from breaking and hurting..
but i can cry wd u and help u pick up d pieces and put dem back in place..

i can't just say dat i love you.. but i love ur whole being - - all of u..

tell me now...

2005-07-19T18:30:00.000-07:00

i'm just so scared to lose you...
that's why i was afraid to love you.
but it's not yet too late. tell me now
now that i can still mend my inexperienced heart.
now that i think i can still carry on

tell me now before it's too late...
because i think i can still carry on without you.
although thinking about it crushes me
but i have to carry on
and if that time comes and i can't put myself back together
then i have to end this unfair and hateful life...

by the window on the 29th

2005-07-08T14:32:00.000-07:00

as i stand here beside a window on the 29th floor
i dream of you waving your hand below, calling me
as i recognize your face, i reminisce the moments we had together
of the times we shared, the ups and downs of our relationship
a moment with you is not enough... not even a day will do
i ask god if this is the love that i longed for all my life
the unconditional love that will brave all the odds to come
the kind of love that will last forever and ever
although i know that this is temporary...
i don't know when it will last, but when the time comes
you will know that i have loved you with all my life, my soul
i know that this is not a forever thing. i know.
i know that there will come a time when our feelings will fade away
that's why i'm scared to love you...
i'm afraid of losing you because i had never felt like this before
i hope this will never end.
i can only hope.. i can only hold on to what you said
that you love me too... and i thank you.
thank you for loving me back... i love you too..

crazy for u - spongecola

2005-07-07T17:21:00.000-07:00

swaying room as the music starts
strangers making the most of the dark
two by two their bodies become one
i see you through the smoky air
can't you feel the weight of my stare
you're so close but still a world away
what i'm dying to say is that

i'm crazy for u
touch me once and you know it's true
i never wanted anyone like this
it's all brand new
you feel it in my kiss
i'm crazy for you

trying hard to control my heart
i walk over to where you are
eye to eye we need no words at all
slowly now as we begin to move
with every breath i'm deeper into you
send me to a standing still in time
if you read my mind, you see

i'm crazy for u
touch me once and you know it's true
i never wanted anyone like this
it's all brand new
you feel it in my kiss
you feel it in my kiss because
i'm crazy for u
touch me once and you know it's true
i never wanted anyone like this
it's all brand new
you feel it in my kiss
i'm crazy for you

yakap

2005-07-03T23:14:00.000-07:00

habang yakap yakap ka
sa gabing ito na walang kasiguruhan
tanging nasa isip lamang
ikaw, at wala ng iba
ipinaramdam mo sa'kin ang tamis
ng yong pagmamahal
walang kaparis na ligaya
ang iyong hinandog, ibinigay...

sa bawat minuto at segundong
tayo'y magkahawak kamay
walang ibang gustong maramdaman
walang ibang gustong masilayan
ang tamis ng iyong mga ngiti
ang malambot mong mga salita
iyon lamang ang gustong marinig
iyon lamang ang gustong makita

sa pagsulyap ko sa iyong mga mata
sa paghawak ko sa maamo mong mukha
kay dami kong gustong sabihin
kay dami kong gustong gawin
nais kong wag ng matapos ang gabing ito
makatulog ng mahimbing sa tabi mo
upang maranasan muli sa aking panaginip
buong katauhang inalay sa akin

sana maulit muli ang gabing ito
ako sa iyo'y nagsusumamo
ikaw lamang ang laman ng isip ko
ang laman ng buong puso ko
nais muling masilayan ang maganda mong mukha
muli maranasan ang pagdampi ng ating mga labi
ang muli kong pagsilay sa iyong mga mata
sana'y lagi kang kayakap... upang pagmamahal mo'y laging madama..

M I R I P

2005-06-13T03:43:00.000-07:00

unending chaos controls the mind
of those voices echoing in my reasoning
blatant lies and miscalculated truths
that minces my already mangled body
in the abyss of what we call life

is this really supposed to be the life of a great one?
to suffer first and get deliverance in the end?
well take me now and throw me to your deepest crevaces
for that's where you truly reign.
i never wanted to live. it's you who wanted to put me here.

unfair is life, i already know that.
ingenuously putting me here to suffer and die a miserable death
well, i'd rather live fast, die young and have a good looking corpse
than age take its toll on me and die with mangled skin under my neck
i will never yield

never will i heed the call again
and fall for the snare that traps innocent souls
to feed to a hungry beast cerberus that will
tear apart the heart and mind of a noble spirit.
take this life, and do not ever call upon me again.
may i rest in peace

the law of karma

2005-05-29T20:26:00.000-07:00

Basic definition: Karma is a sanskrit word and a concept
of eastern religions. Simply explained, it is a sum of all that
an individual has once done and is currently doing. The Effects
of those deeds actively create all that is to happen and determine
every present and future experience, thus completely excluding
random chance.

In Buddhist teaching, the law of Karma, says only this: "For every
event that occurs, there will follow another event whose existence
was caused by the first, and this second event will be pleasant or
unpleasant according as its cause was skillful or unskillful."

A skillful event is one that is not accompanied by craving,
resistance or delusions; an unskillful event is one that is accompanied
by any one of those things. (Events are not skillful in themselves, but
are so called only in virtue of the mental events that occur with them.)

Therefore, the law of Karma teaches that responsibility for unskillful
actions is born by the person who commits them.

1413

2005-05-09T20:56:00.000-07:00

i could've told you so many things
i could've said many words
but i became erratic
and my mouth became dry

many thoughts still linger
the many whys and what ifs that remain could not be answered now
because you went away, gone, it will never be the same

wish you were still here... but this wish will just be like
the many other wishes that came and went... like you.
i don't know how this will end...
but this really did not have any beginning

i wish i told you i love you
i wish i did everything for you
i wish i said everything deep down
i wish i did... but now your'e gone

jeepney - spongecola

2005-05-04T21:04:00.000-07:00

bumaba ako sa jeepney
kung saan tayo'y dating magkatabi
magkahalik ang pisngi nating dalawa
nating dalawa

panyo mo sa aking bulsa
ang kahapon ay naroon pa rin
tawa nati'y humahalay
sa init nating dalawa

subalit ngayo'y wala na
ikaw ay lumayo
nanaaalala ko ang mga gabing
nakahiga sa ilalim ng kalawakan
naaalala ko ang mga gabing
magkatabi sa ulan

kulay ng iyong ngiti
at tikwas ng iyong buhok
ang lambot ng iyong labing
ng iyong labi

kahit anino mo sa malayo
ay nais masulyapan kaagad
upang mapawi ang lamig
ang lamig

subalit ngayo'y wala na
ikaw ay lumayo na
naaalala ko ang mga gabing
nakahiga sa ilalim ng kalawakan
naaalala ko ang mga gabing
magkatabi sa ulan

naaalala ko... magkatabi sa ulan..

malayang tumilamsik ang plumang isinuka ng isip...

2005-04-26T21:58:00.000-07:00

Guten Nachmittag jeder

ako c jayson , mas kilala
bilang bonito o anubis. d ko alam kung
saan nila kinuha ang mga katawagang ito,
ngunit para sa akin ay ayos lang.

kamusta tayong lahat? marahil nagtataka
kayo, kung bakit ngayon lng ako nagsulat
sa mga pahina ng ating blog. siguro ay
dahil wala lang akong maisusulat, kahit
ngaun, hindi ko rin alam kung bakit ko
sinusulat ito. pero dahil sa hindi
maipaliwanag na kadahilanan, eto ako,
nagsusulat ng mga walang kabuluhang bagay.
isang palaisipan sa akin kung bakit
hanggang ngayon ay nandito pa rin ako sa
peoplesupport. marahil mahirap lang
talagang maghanap ng trabaho ngaun, isa
pa, makikipagsabayan ako sa mga bagong
saltang mga kabataan sa bagong mundo. isa
pa, hindi ko rin alam kung saan ko gustong
humanap ng pagkakakitaan. hindi ko gusto
ang kursong tinapos ko. marahil ay nadala
lamang ako ng mga kabarkada ko noong
hayskul, pero dahil na rin sa hindi ako
nakapasa sa UP ay sa probinsya ako
bumagsak.

Alam ko ring marami sa inyo ang
hindi gusto ang kapaligiran dito sa call
center. hindi ko kayo masisisi, minsan
nararamdaman ko rin yan. kailangang
magtiis. "come what may" ika nga, para sa
pamilya ko, at para na rin sa aking
sarili.

isang pagsubok ang makisalamuha ang iba't
ibang tao dito. hindi nyo alam kung gaano
ako nahirapan. maski hanggang ngayon. pero
salamat sa inyo, marami akong natutunan,
hanggang ngaun.

ipagpaumanhin kung minsan masyado akong
nagiging sensitibo, mainitin ang ulo at
pikon. ganyan lng talaga ako, at hanggang
ngayon ay pinag-aaralan ko pa ang mga
bagay tulad ng pasensya, mabuting
pakikisalamuha at pakikisama. ipaalam nyo
lang kung may problema kayo sa akin para
maiwasan ko na kung kanino pa maririnig
ang mga problema nyo sa akin.
ipagpaumanhin.

hindi nyo alam kung gaano kawalang
direksyon ang aking buhay. hindi ko rin
alam kung ano ang nag-uudyok sa'king
magpatuloy. hindi ko talaga alam kung ano
ang aking hinaharap. walang patutunguhan.
ngayon ko lang nasabi ang mga ito, dahil
ngayon ay parang naaburido ako. pasensya n
at dito ko pa naiibulalas ang mga ito.
maayos lang ako. sa ngayon. salamat sa
inyong lahat.

plano ko ay sa mahiwagang-daliri ko ito ilalagay, ngunit nagdalawang isip ako, kaya dito na lang sa sarili kong blog inilagay.

isang mapagpalang hapon.

MRT

2005-04-19T20:36:00.000-07:00

i remember as i sit near you in
the train
i feel that you are secretly
glancing
i feel that you are asking what
if we were?

i know you like me... it's just that i can't tell you
how much i like you too

i also remember the last time i saw you at the elevator...
i asked you if you were fine, and that you'll be leaving
i regretfully said goodbye, and we both smiled.
as you exited, you glanced back, and saw you still smiling.
how i wish we were...

since the day you left, i still can't get over it
you left me with nothing but memories
no digits, you don't even answer the message i send you.
i really hope we could see each other again

and now i am here alone and so blue
i remember that time when we were together at the train
sitting beside each other, you glancing at my face
and thinking what if we were?i wish i told you how i feel about you

and now that you're gone, as i ride the train home
i sadly reminisce the last time we faced each other at the elevator
talking, smiling, as we sent our goodbyes...
i'll just be here.. when will we see each other again?
i'll leave fate to decide about that... but for now, thank you for just being you..

march 6..

2005-03-06T19:37:00.000-08:00

until i see the regularization papers, d ako mniniwala n regular employees n ang batch 131a. i really anticipate the 20 leave credits that they're gonna give to us. can't wait to use them! eventhough blita ko pro-rated, pero ayos n rin un. especially this summer that we're planning to go to puerto galera. PTO's will come in handy! not to mention the added incentives.

what's in store for me in the next 6 mos? well, m gonna work hard, and when the time comes that i really get bored with what i'm doing, m gonna pack up and move on to a more challenging work.

summer is here, let's roll!

wein, weib und gesang!

testing po!

2005-03-01T23:38:00.000-08:00

finally, getting connected with this is sumthin that i don't want, but i really find this blog thing fun. designing and re-designing and editing and re-editing blog is a challenge, but once you get your own done, wow, what an accomplishment.